The Grey: Review

WARNING: THIS POST WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS!

I watched this last night and it broke my heart. 

Set in a remote city up north, I'm assuming near Alaska, Liam and a bunch of other men get on a plane to go home. Before all this, we see Liam have flashbacks of a woman lying in bed beside him. You get the impression that she's left him somehow and that this is the reason why he seems depressed. The plane then crashes and only seven of them survive it.

The course of the movie sees these survivers making their way south to find shelter and hopefully be rescued. However, each surviver is slowly picked off my illness and wolves. Now I love wolves but these were notorious and simply hunted these men out of badness. Luckily for the survivers, Liam is a wolf expert as it was his job to hunt them so he knows a few tricks to keep them at bay. 

It doesn't work for long though as eventually Liam is the only surviver left after some pretty gruesome death scenes. After an epic scene where he shouts at God to earn his faith by interrupting and helping him, he continues on and ends up walking into the wolves' den. He's pretty much given up on life at this point and sits down and looks through the survivers wallets at their families pictures as well as more flashbacks of his wife. Turns out she's lying on a hospital bed so you assume she's died and thus that was why he was so depressed at the start of the movie.

The film ends just as he starts to fight the alpha with a knife and broken bottles strapped to his hands. I didn't really like this ending as I really wanted to know what happens. Cue an extra scene where you see the wolf barely breathing with Liam's head resting against it. Now either they're both dying after an epic fight or Liam is simply resting against it. More than likely, it's the former.

Despite all the death scenes the bit that broke my heart the most were the flashbacks to his wife. They just moved me to tears. If you watch this film you'll understand.

Highlights:

• Romantic yet heartbreaking flashbacks to Liam's wife
• The moving poem Liam recites
• The epic line, "fuck faith, earn it"

Rating: 3/5

 

The Woman In Black: Review

WARNING: THIS POST WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS!

Before I begin, I've always wanted to see the play as I heard it was pretty scary and the story was quite interesting to me. I never got to see the play unfortunately so when the movie came out, with Daniel Radcliffe as the lead, I jumped at the chance. I didn't particularly pay much attention to the fact that it was a ghost story until the opening scene left me dreading what was to come over the next hour or so. 

Seriously, anyone who is not disturbed at the sight of three ten year old girls commiting suicide is not human.

So moving on to the story. A young man, still mourning the death of his wife in childbirth four years ago, agrees to travel to a village and sort out a dead woman's will by sorting through piles and piles of documents at her home. Sounds tedious right? Well it gets better. Upon arriving at the village, he is instantly greeted by a hostile atmosphere as no one wants him to be there.

He eventually goes to the house of the dead woman only to see said dead woman standing in the grounds. As he mentions this to fellow villagers, they panic and yet more children kill themselves. It turns out that everytime someone sees The Woman In Black a child dies in a horrific way. And trust me, they are horrific. One girl drinks poison and another sets herself on fire. The three girls at the start of the film jump out of a window and we learn that one boy drowned himself. We find out that they do this because she tells them to. Cue flashbacks to their death scenes and all you see is her standing in the background. It's freaky as fuck!

Eventually Daniel figures out that the woman he is investigating had a son but because she was insane, her sister took her son away from her. After a few years, her son dies in the surrounding marshes and she vows never to forgive her sister for not saving him. Daniel feels responsible for all the recent child deaths and sets about fixing things.

He does this by finding her dead son's body in the marsh land, nearly drowning in the process and reunites them by burying them together. All is at peace and as he is about to leave, his own son, who was traveling down to greet him, sees The Woman In Black and walks in front of an oncoming train. Daniel grabs him but do they make it? No, no they both die. But his wife is there to walk them into Heaven. This is a very sad ending and I was pissed off that The Woman In Black refused to "move on" so to speak. But oh well.

Now throughout the time Daniel was at the dead woman's house, all sorts of freaky shit happened. I was literally jumping at every. fucking. thing. Two girls who were whimpering actually left the cinema because they were that scared. And at times, I wanted to join them! At one point I had my scarf in my mouth as I was scared that I would let out shrieks lol!

I was also annoyed at the pivotal moment in the movie when a man's phone went off and he answered it! The only justice we had was that at that particular moment, The Woman In Black screamed blue murder and all you heard was the guy on the other end go, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!" 

It was fucking hilarious. 

Highlights:

• The story
• The fact that I was constantly on edge
• All the scares

Rating: 5/5

Breaking Dawn Part I: Review

WARNING: THIS POST WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS!

Last Friday I dragged Paul to the cinema to see this and I really liked it. Though I understand if people don't because it started out feeling like a filler type of movie. Let me explain what I mean... The main aspect of Breaking Dawn is that Bella gets pregnant and to get to that point we have to sit through the wedding preparations, the wedding, the honeymoon and then finally BAM! The discovery of her being pregnant. So yeah, the first half feels like filler.

Though that doesn't mean I didn't like those parts! I was in love with Bella's shoes that Alice chose for her wedding but I didn't like her dress at all. I found the speeches cringey (but that was the whole point) and it was genuinely really nice to see Bella and Edward looking happy for once.

Leading up to the sex scene was pretty accurate for how any teenage girl would feel. I thought it was quite funny watching the montage of Bella shaving her legs and brushing her teeth etc. It was just really sweet and relatable.

Fast forward to her being pregnant. My God she looked awful! The special effects were bloody amazing - she looked like death warmed up! Even though it was all fake it looked so real that it was hard to watch sometimes. Don't even get me started on the gory birth scene...

It ended on a really good cliffhanger, seriously I wanna know what she looks like as a vampire!

Of course, I didn't know about the extra scene after the credits so I had to watch it on youtube (thank you piraters). Basically the Volturi know Bella's been turned now so clearly they'll pay a visit... Cue Part II!

Highlights:

• Bella and Edward looking happy together for once
• The epic scene with the wolves
• Bella's seduction attempts
• Bella changing into a vampire
  

Rating: 4/5

Legend of the Guardians: Review

WARNING: THIS POST MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS!

I don't care if this is a kids movie because I really liked it!

It took a while for to get into it though because I could barely understand their names at first and they kept talking about "The Guardians" in a way that made you feel like you should already know who they were. If that makes sense?

You instantly fall in love with Sorren, the main owl in the poster, simply because of his sweet personality and fighting spirit. But you instantly can't stand his brother because he's mean, bitter and scoffs Sorren's dreams.

Don't let the innocent owls fool you though, the plot of this movie is pretty dark! Sorren and his brother end up being kidnapped by evil owls who are plotting to take over the kingdom because they are "pure" and "superior". Sorren manages to escape but his brother stays and joins the evil ones. Like I said, he's a prick.

Sorren, along with a few others find The Guardians who are good, legendary owls who fight for justice and peace. They discover the evil owls plot and a huge battle ensues. It's actually pretty epic.

This is my favourite scene in the entire film - it's epic beyond belief. Especially the music!

Fire Scene

Highlights:

• The epic fire scene with Sorren
• Finding The Guardians
• Sorren's belief in his dreams

Rating: 4/5

Crazy, Stupid, Love: Review

WARNING: THIS POST MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS!

Firstly, I'd just like to point out that rom-coms aren't my favourite genre of film. HOWEVER, I do like Steve Carell so I gave this one a chance to impress me. And it did. 

The plot gets under way pretty quickly such as Carell's wife asking for a divorce after sleeping with another man. Carell is of course a broken man and starts drowning his sorrows at a fancy bar. A bar that I have no idea how he could have set foot in as he was always wearing trainers...

Anyway, after a few nights of moping around, Ryan Gosling who plays the womaniser in this story, takes pity on him and vows to sort Carell out. Carell agrees because, well... if he didn't there wouldn't be any more film.

So the next few nights, Carell gets a new look as well as being taught the ways of the "ladies man". What got me the most is how shallow the women were in this film. Gosling blatently insulted them by telling them they were boring etc etc yet they still went home with him! They were suffering from the Halo Effect big time...

Carell manages to get a few women home too which boosts his self-esteem yet he's still completely in love with his wife. Now what's she been up to all this time? Well she's been at work and going on dates with the man she divorced Carell over but she doesn't seem all that taken with him. It's obvious she misses Carell. This angered me because why cheat on him and ask for a divorce then?!

What also annoyed me was that when she eventually found out Carell had slept with other women, she was pissed off! Um, excuse me but you cheated on him AND divorced him. He can do what he wants!

Gosling on the other hand, falls in love with Emma Stone and becomes a changed man basically. It's actually very very sweet to watch. Even skeptics will find it cute. 

At the end there is a huge twist which was so unexpected and completely brillant that it will blow you away. My mouth literally dropped open when it happened! It's that good.

Highlights: 

• Gosling's "Be better than the Gap" line
• Carell slapping Gosling
• The huge twist at the end
• Carell's son having a cringey crush on his babysitter

Rating: 5/5

Fright Night: Review

WARNING: THIS POST MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS

Paul and I saw this last Thursday and I really liked it. As it was an early showing, we didn't have many people watching it with us but we did have an annoying shit there unfortunately. He even answered his phone during the movie! What makes it worse is that we think he was there with his mother, or older sister. We didn't know which. And she didn't say a thing! He also had one of those "hard man" attitudes, you know, where they do this walk where one leg appears longer than the other? It's hard to explain. There was also nothing to him yet he stomped up the aisle! Trust me, it was poetic justice when they dropped their popcorn...

We went to this cinema because it advertised the movie as non 3D because we heard the 3D version looked awful. Surprise surprise, it was in 3D. Sigh. It didn't ruin the movie though, it just wasn't needed.

One of the things that made me like this movie so much was the fact that the main guy Charley played by Anton Yelchin (Chekov in Star Trek) was a geek and that the "cool dudes" were jealous of him because he had a really hot girlfriend. It was quite refreshing because usually the geek is trying to win the heart of the popular girl. Another thing that I loved was that it didn't faff about. In the first few scenes we know that Jerry played by Colin Farrell is a vampire and he doesn't spend the entire movie trying to hide it or prove his innocence. Instead he just kills them.

Or does he? Sometimes he kills them but Jerry is a special type of vampire. And before you ask, no he doesn't sparkle. Instead he's a special breed of vampire that likes to live in a tribe and so turns all his victims into vampires to pretty much keep him company. Charley finds all this out from Peter Vincent played by David Tennant who is an illusionist and vampire expert. Tennant's performance was absolutely hilarious! Though it was extremely weird hearing Doctor Who curse and looking like Russell Brand.

I really liked how funny this movie was as well as it being surprisingly scary! Seriously, I jumped outta my seat so many times it's unbelievable! The final fight was also pretty epic but I won't spoil that for anyone wanting to see this movie. 

Highlights: 

• David Tennant's performance
• The charming humour
• The chemistry between all the actors

Rating: 4/5

Conan The Barbarian: Review

WARNING: THIS POST WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS

Firstly I'd like to point out that I wasn't expecting much from this movie. I haven't seen the original so it wasn't because of that, it just screamed "crap" the first time I saw the trailer. Though slowly over time I became quite curious - especially since the guy who plays Conan also played Kal Drogo in A Game of Thrones. A character I loved.

In the opening scene, Conan is untimely ripped from his mother's womb as she is fatally stabbed during a battle. Thus he becomes known as being a child born of battle. Very epic but slightly tainted by the fact that his dad lifts him up above his head which unfortunately made me expect The Circle of Life to be played. Alas, it did not.

Next we see Conan as a young boy, who has a disturbing thirst for blood. Seriously, I couldn't tell whether his father was proud of him or scared of him! Though the scene where he kills like eight bad guys on his own is pretty cool. I think I should mention here that if you can't stomach blood and gore then it's best if you avoid this movie at all costs. Not only that but the sound effects are pretty loud that at times I was cringing in my seat.

Now the plot, a bad guy comes to Conan's village and steals the final piece of an ancient mask which will resurrect his dead wife. His dead wife, being an evil sorceresss will then turn him into a God because she loves him and then they will plunge the world into darkness and rule forever etc etc. The bad man destroys Conan's village, kills his father and leaves Conan alive because "he likes his courage". 

The next time we see Conan, he's all grown up with a bunch of mates who are just as bloodthirsty as him yet they all have good morals such as using their brute strength to free slaves. Conan of course is trying to avenge his father and his search to kill the bad man results in him crossing paths with a woman who has lived in a monestary all her life. The bad man needs this woman as he plans to sacrifice her in order to resurrect his wife and only she will do as she is a "pureblood". I'm sure Voldemort would have loved this man.

What I found unbelievable about the plot however is that the woman is quite a good fighter and isn't shy when it comes to "sexy time" with Conan. Surely, if she lived in a monestary all her life then she'd be pretty useless on the battlefield plus extremely coy and inexperienced with men? 

Another thing that bugged me is that when Conan first fights with the bad man he is completely useless but when the bad man wears the mask (which is meant to make him really powerful) Conan kicks his ass! It makes no sense. Also, the bad man's teeth were too straight and white to be believable. Instead they made him look like Simon Cowell.

Overall though, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It is actually quite enjoyable.

Highlights:

• The epic fight scenes
• Paige from Charmed looking like a Klingon
• Jason Momoa's performance as Conan

Rating: 4/5

 

The Inbetweeners Movie: Review

WARNING: THIS POST WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS

Firstly, this was a very popular and successful comedy show in Britain focusing on four teenage boys lives as they attend school and pretty much try to get laid. It's absolutely hilarious and I highly recommend the series to anyone. Though it's probably best to avoid it if you're easily offended! Now, the film focuses on these four boys finishing school and going on a lad's holiday to Crete. Although you don't need to have seen the series to understand the movie, I'd advise you to watch the series first because you'll be more familiar with the characters personalities. Otherwise, they may just come across as... weird. 

Anyway, after arriving at their shit hotel they hit the bars and as it's a comedy, they manage to find the crappest one in the whole island of Crete. Cue disturbing scenes of Neil getting off with muttons dressed as lambs. I told you it's not for the faint hearted! They also meet four teenage girls so already you can sort of guess that eventually they are all going to end up together. But before that happens, I nearly died laughing at the boys trying to impress them with their dancing skills! It's so god damn funny. 

So throughout the film, Will is trying to impress his potential match, Simon is too busy caring about his ex that he doesn't notice how much his potential match fancies him, Jay is embarrassed that his potential match is chubby and Neil's potential match just watches him get off with all these trashy grannies. Which again, is just disturbing. 

At times this movie frustrated me because lets face it, they're teenage boys who haven't got a clue when it comes to girls! I wanted to smack Simon for being so blind to the fact that his potential match was a hundred times better than his ex! Seriously, this happened so much that the entire audience was groaning with frustration! 

I won't spoil the ending but I was really pleased with it. I guess I just loved how they all seemed to "grow up" and become men for once. You'll understand what I mean when you watch it.

Highlights:

• The boy's dancing - still cracks me up!
• The general camaraderie between the boys
• The sweet ending
• Neil's giant shit

Yes I am aware that it is strange for a shit to be a highlight but it was a really funny scene! Don't judge me...

Rating: 5/5

The Boy Who Lived... Come To Die...

WARNING - There will be spoilers in this post!

I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 on Friday and it was completely awesome. We got there half an hour before the movie was due to be played and the queue was massive. It was the first time I'd ever experienced Potter mania and unfortunately it will also be my last. I was immensely glad we had booked tickets in advance as we were able to walk straight on in and pick our seats.

With that done, I was able to observe the people I'd be sharing this experience with choosing their own seats and I can't tell you how glad I was that a kid sat in front of me instead of some tall dude. It meant that my view of this incredible film was not obstructed. It's the little things people!

Overall I felt this film was simply amazing. It was beautfiul, epic and poignant in all the right places. It also had moments of charming humour which helped eaze the heaviness of the plot. For example Professor McGonagall saying "I've always wanted to use that spell!"  Neville saying he has the hots for Luna and Ron being his usual Ron self...

I couldn't help but cry at the scenes with Snape - begging Dumbledore to protect the Potters, the anguish he felt at Lily's death, when he told Harry that he had his mother's eyes and of course when he revealed his doe patronus to Dumbledore. Words cannot express how glad I was that they kept this line in the film...

"After all this time?"

"Always..."

It just means so much...

I did notice that some things weren't really explained and if you hadn't read the books then you wouldn't understand. For example, Dumbledore's past as well as his relationship with his brother and dead sister or why Hagrid was being held prisoner by the Death Eaters when Harry confronted Voldemort in the forest.

I also noticed things like Lupin and Tonks son was only mentioned in a passing comment, Snape's memories were in tear form, Ron and Hermione's first kiss happened in the wrong place and the final battle between Voldemort and Harry didn't take place in the Great Hall. Despite these discrepancies, I don't think the book was disrespected or that the film should be deemed "disappointing" because of them.

The only thing I was disappointed with was the fact that Harry snapped the Elder Wand in two instead of fixing his original wand. I loved that part in the book but again, I don't think the film was ruined because of it. It just would have been a nice touch that's all.

It was also slightly weird seeing them nineteen years older but it was also undeniably sweet. I still think the names of their children were horrible though...

Overall, I loved this movie and it certainly did the series justice by going out with an epic bang. The fight scenes were just incredible! And of course, I loved that Neville finally had a chance to shine.

Love, Hazel

Review: Bridesmaids

Paul and I saw this last weekend and it was really good. It's not a chick flick so don't let the title or garish pink dresses put you off! 

It was hilarious throughout with my highlights being:

♥  Everything Megan said or did

♥  The food poisoning incident

♥  Annie's ghetto driving

♥  The air marshal

I won't go into too much detail as I don't want to spoil it for anyone but I would highly recommend it if you're after a good giggle!

Love, Hazel

The Hangover Part II

I saw this at the weekend and surprise surprise... it was exactly like the original. With a few minor changes of course such as it was Stu's wedding this time, it was based in Thailand and instead of a baby they had a monkey.

Not that it made the movie any less enjoyable, it was just slightly disappointing. I know the writers didn't deviate from the original plot too much as the original was so successful but I think that if they had taken just a few more risks then it could have been even better.

So my advice would be to not expect too much from this story wise, especially if you've already seen the first one but it's still fun.

Rating: *** stars

Love, Hazel